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Lo. Likes fish, robots, necromancy, and long walks on the beach. This is my moodboard.
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    Nico Lang: "Trampire:" Why the Public Slut Shaming of Kristen Stewart Matters for Young Women →

    I might not be concerned for K-Stew, but I am concerned for my younger stepsister who has pictures of Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson on her walls, who idolizes and worships them, and who might grow up to hate Kristen Stewart for reasons she doesn’t understand. I’m worried she will be taught that it’s not okay to mess up, learn from it and apologize, because no one wants your apology, just your suffering on camera. I’m worried that she’ll think its okay to harass and threaten women for their indiscretions, even if men get off scot-free. I’m worried she will think this culture of bullying, slut-shaming and rhetorical violence against women is the norm, because you get a t-shirt for it. I’m worried she will learn to internalize the shame brought on far too many women today, for having sexualities, for not being perfect, for not fitting into a box. I’m worried she’ll believe men like Todd Akin, Paul Ryan and Mike Huckabee are right.

    No one likes a woman that wants or tries to pick herself up after falling down. Women get one chance, and men get many.

    (Source: fuckyeahfeminists)

    — 1 year ago with 198 notes
    #link  #kstew  #twilight  #slut-shaming  #gender  #sex  #relationships 

    fuckyeahfeminists:

    lawagner asked fuckyeahfeminists:
    2011-09-14 01:00

    I asked my boyfriend to read the article about gaslighting. One of his first reactions was that he wishes it came from a less feministic or “unbiased” perspective…. basically that it can happen to males as well. I was slightly annoyed by his wording, but I do partially agree. I feel like males commonly have that reaction about feminism, that it is biased. What do you think is the best way to explain that that is not the case?

    To Readers - here is the article we are referring to

    Well, first of all, it is practically impossible to read something that is completely objective. So I wonder why he wanted it to be less feminist? Is it because it makes him feel uncomfortable because it hits close to home and he’s done those things?

    One of my pet peeves is when there is an article -ONE ARTICLE- that talks about ONE point of view, i.e. something that happens to women - and guys go BUT WHAT ABOUT THE MENZ!!! Sorry, but there is no need or obligation for someone to write about something pertaining disproportionately to women and include a section about men.

    What I like what the article you mention is not that he says gaslighting only happens to women, but rather how it has been so normalized due to sexism in our culture, which is something men do not and cannot experience. I have been the victim of gaslighting and let me tell you - there is sure a double standard that allows gaslighting to happen and for men “in solidarity” to support and encourage and believe it while a victim is left totally dis-empowered.

    Gaslighting is something that happens often in abusive relationships and whether we like to admit it or not, most abuse is men towards women, just like most rape is men against women. By acknowledging this we are not saying that rape and abuse do not happen to men, but for us to effectively eradicate these horrible acts (just like gaslighting!) we have to acknowledge how it is dispropotionately perpetuated.

    So I would try to explain these things to your boyfriend. I think the point is to ask them to not have a kneejerk reaction against something that stands up for women for once. Shouldn’t he be more concerned that there are so many people being hurt by gaslighting than being concerned that it is written in such a feminist way?

    The author also explains why, as a man, he chooses to write about women’s issues. Perhaps this bit of background may help.

    Also check out Yashar Ali’s followup to the article.

    Fantastic and disturbing article, btw.

    — 2 years ago with 69 notes
    #asks  #questions  #advice  #sex  #gender  #relationships 
    Red Flags →

    fuckyeahfeminists:

    So, look: I actually do have a fundamental problem with the expectation that women change their names. Yes, I know we all choose our choice and blah blah, but I think it’s really fucked up that it’s really only a “choice” that’s offered to women and that there’s so much pressure about “tradition” and “family” and unspoken expectations that you’re Really Committed and Really Love Your Husband, and that in 2011 the whole concept of marriage still involves dissolving your own identity into your husband’s. I am not going to pretend that I am a fan of the name-change. I am not even going to pretend that I don’t get a tiny bit internally judgy, or at least frustrated, when I scroll through my facebook feed and see all of these names I don’t recognize. But also — and this is not a new observation — we all make compromises in our lives, and we all do the best we can against the very strong tide of social norms, and a lot of really unfeminist social norms can also make us feel good, as name-changing reportedly does for some reason (something I honestly don’t comprehend, but people are different). Some battles aren’t worth fighting, and some people tie a lot to tradition even if those traditions are totally fucked up, so ok. I mean, my feet are all fucked up from years of wearing high heels and I continue to wear them anyway, so, glass houses and whatnot.

    But you know what is a huge red flag? If your fiance pitches a fit about you hesitating to change your name. Actually, I think it’s a pretty big red flag if your fiance pressures you in any way to change your name. Having a discussion is one thing; having him be like, “You should take my name” and then getting salty if you push back is kind of a dick move. And I know, I know, I just called a whole lot of dudes dicks on the internet, so cue comment blow-up about how maybe all of these dudes are just really nice guys who want a family unit and tradition and and and and. Fine. If a dude pressures you to take his name, suggest he take your name and watch him literally laugh in your face. A dude who wants you to subvert your own identity for his because you are The Lady is probably not the most woman-friendly dude, you know?

    well said.

    I will admit to getting a little sad that he didn’t want to take my name, just as he probably got a little sad that I didn’t want to take his. Honestly? I would have become a Knowler if my clan wasn’t scheduled to dry up with me, and if it just rolled off the tongue better too. As shallow as that may seem. Also of course creator integrity stuff; I’m in the middle of trying to make a name for myself as a Baker, so changing it would be a bit problematic on that front too.

    I don’t get pissed at women who chose to give up their names out of choice, because I get it. I get the feeling, and the symbolism, and what meaning it may have for that couple. The point about the red flag is very true— but just like with BDSM practitioners, but because a woman is submissive to a man in whatever consensual context, doesn’t mean she’s undermining the entire feminist movement or insulting women everywhere. It just doesn’t work that way. You’re allowed to not understand what she’s getting out of it, just like how you’re allowed to not understand what she might get out of taking her husbands name, but you’re not allowed to make judgement calls. Especially without context.

    — 2 years ago with 212 notes
    #marriage  #feministe  #names  #red flags  #relationships  #feminism  #substance 
    twelfthgecko: aquapunk: It’s honestly not even a monog vs. open/poly thing, because... →

    twelfthgecko:

    Word. Actually I agree that open relationships probably don’t work for most people. But I don’t think Dan’s really on a campaign to open up all the monogamous relationships in the world; I think his shtick is that too many families, lives, relationships, etc get destroyed because of unrealistic expectations that both partners should be forever and ever completely satisfied with each other, and only each other. I think his shtick is less, “Don’t be in a monogamous relationship” and more, “Don’t be in denial about the way your human brain works while in your monogamous relationship.” But then again…I’m not Dan Savage. :/

    But I had to chime in because as someone who has been both in monogamous relationships (and at the time never ever ever thought of myself as the kind of person who would even consider an open one) and now, a non-monogamous relationship, I can personally attest that I am infinitely happier being non-monogamous. And that I used to perceive open relationships as being sleazy and all about slutting it up and not TRULY loving your partner, and now, having been there, I realize it requires an immense amount of rational thinking to keep it all together and that there’s actually a great tenderness felt when you actually do pull it off. You know, in-between sleazy hookups. :B

    I’m gonna be a bitter asshole and say that most relationships don’t work for most people. xD But srsly, like… the cheating asshole types, who don’t belong in any category but their own. I just think integrity and honesty of that sort is hard to come by period. :T

    But yeah, after hanging out in all sorts of corners of the internet I learned that open/poly arrangements are totally legit for the people that are made for them, and I’m super happy that they’re not painting themselves into corners, trying to pretend they want something that they don’t for the sake of being “normal” and all that. I’ve heard from happy people in all kinds of dynamics, and it’s good to know that they’ve found something that works cause shit if just being happy isn’t hard enough~

    (Source: aquapunk)

    — 2 years ago with 237 notes
    #life  #love  #relationships  #words  #substance 
    twelfthgecko: Monogamy isn't dead. Hard work, dedication, and patience are. →

    twelfthgecko:

    “Monogamy isn’t dead. Hard work, dedication, and patience are.”

    With all due respect…being in an honest non-monogamous relationship has taken more hard work, dedication, and patience than being in a committed monogamous relationship ever required of me. It has taught me consideration for others on a level that I never before thought myself capable of. And the rewards gained from that have been infinitely deeper and more meaningful than those I ever experienced during my monogamous relationships.

    It’s honestly not even a monog vs. open/poly thing, because I know those take just as much work, dedication, patience, etc. I’m just really fucking sick of people saying that monogamy doesn’t exist or isn’t natural (here’s looking at you, Dan), everybody cheats, it’s not fulfilling, etc. I kind of wish people would stop even thinking it’s a competition because it’s not. It’s just frustrating to see everyone say that your relationship is archaic/a lie.

    (Source: aquapunk)

    — 2 years ago with 237 notes
    #life  #relationships  #words  #substance